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Welcome to my family blog. I have been married to Mike for over half of my life. I love my Savior, Jesus. I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to six terrific, interesting children. My 3 oldest were born to me in my younger years, while my 3 youngest were given to me by God in my older years. I am very blessed. ~Cheri

6.07.2011

What To Do With The Safe Child?

I've always been a little adventurous.  As a child, I spent my days playing in creeks, catching crawdads and tadpoles, riding down rivers on make-shift rafts, riding ponies, swimming, fishing, playing ball with the big boys, etc.  Even as I've aged, I'm always game for something.  If Mike said to pack my bags today, I'd head out to hike or camp for days or weeks, travel across the globe with no agenda whatsoever (Mike wouldn't ask that of me, but I'm just lettin' you know what I'd do).  So, since I have a little girl who would rather sit in a house most of the day, it is a little disheartening.

I feel badly for Ivy.  She is quiet, shy, not up for adventures.  For example:  Today, we headed out to a camp with a bunch of kids from co-op.  There was a huge rock wall, and even huger zip line.  Other 8-year olds and younger tackled them both.  Ivy sat and watched.  While other girls, whom she knew, played on noodles in the pool and jumped off the diving board, Ivy quietly walked around in the shallow end. Despite the lack of participation with girls other than her sisters, she said she had an "awesome day."  At times I feel like she is missing out on all of the fun.  At home, I watch her creeping ever-so-slowly on her bike, training wheels intact.  During her swing time, she never goes very high.  And roller coasters?  I don't think so!  Even when Seth gets a little wild with the girls and throws them around, she is the first to scream, "No!" when he gets them spinning.

Ivy is quite fun and playful, but she is usually pretty calm about it all.  I told Mike the most spunk I've seen from her was the day we met, and she screamed when she was finally left alone with me.  I hope that experience did not zap the zeal right out of her.  She is a smiley, happy girl.  The best way to describe her is "safe".

I've repeatedly encouraged her to participate, yet she doesn't.  I give her opportunities in various settings.   Sometimes I think I should just leave her alone, and she will do what she is comfortable doing.  Other times, I want to push her to participate.  I struggle.  She is unlike all my other girls and me.  For me, as long as I know that she is happy, then I am happy, regardless.  You would think that after having her home over a year, that I would have it all figured out...but I don't.  Maybe I'm the one struggling, not Ivy.

Playing it "safe" at the playground

Jack, rock-wall climbing and zip lining.

5 kind words:

Sarah

hmmm...it's so interesting how people are different from one another. Two of my girls are slower-paced (more like me!), and my other daughter is full of energy and excitement. It took me awhile to learn to appreciate her personality. Now, I love that she is different than I am!

Also, if you haven't already looked into Karyn Purvis' research, she has some great things to say about the fear response and felt safety for kids from tough places. I'm not sure if this would apply to Ivy or not, but it could help you to understand her a bit more.

Blessings,
Sarah

Lindy D.

Some moms would be THRILLED to have a child that played it safe. LOL

It sounds like Ivy has a different temperment than the other children. Perhaps Ivy is more introverted. Introverts are people would get overstimulated by too much interaction with others, loud noises, crowds, etc. (I know because I am one.) I could only take so much of what you describe and then I would be wiped out. It's wonderful that you are so respectful of who she is.

Judi

I don't have any answers! I was the same as a child, and still am as an adult! I really am content to sit and watch others have their "adventures"!

Eva

Aw, sweet Ivy. She certainly seems more introverted than your other girls.

I agree with Lindy that it's great you respect her different approach to adventure. It took me a little while to understand that Caleb is not as adventurous as I expected my little boy to be.

Mike and Barb

I think she would get along great with my Miss Nina. She is a safe child as well.
Barb

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