I was at H@rdee's with the 3 girls and Jack. Since we don't have a kitchen up and running at the moment, I had to feed them something. And, since the girls have never been to H@rdee's, I thought it was a decent choice, right on the way to the pool. We sat down to eat our lunch. An elderly lady about 75+ years old stopped by with her husband.
Lady: Can I take one of your girls home with me?
Me: No. I think I'll keep them all.
Lady pointing to Jack: What about him?
Me: He's staying with me, too.
At this point the lady is eying all my children rather closely, and I'm just wondering if she'll actually say it, or just leave, wondering why my girls look so different. I guess she felt comfortable in commenting.
Lady: Your husband must have brown eyes?
Me: Yes, he does. (Jordan is my only blond/blue)
Lady: But the girls' eyes are so dark, almost black.
Me: Yes, they are. (long pause since the lady is still waiting on an explanation) The girls are from China.
Lady: Oh. They are all so beautiful.
Then after some comments about how busy I must be, she was off. None of these questions really bother me at all. I know that some adoptive parents dislike them for various reasons. The only reason I dislike them, is that I feel that my biological children are just ignored. This particular lady did comment about Jack, but her focus was the girls. I understand that. But, sometimes I just cringe because of how my other 3 children may feel about stopping and explaining our family. I always try to change the focus when this happens, sometimes to no avail. I don't want my 3 oldest children to feel less special, if that makes sense. I don't want my 3 youngest girls raised up on some pedestal by other people. I often see that happen in the adoption community. I like a comment that Seth said to a friend after having Eva home a while. His friend asked him what it was like having a Chinese sister. Seth's comment was, "I don't look at her as Chinese. She's just my sister."
6 kind words:
Aww, I like his comment about his sister. That is awesome. I have learned also that people are just more drawn to girls as a rule. My kids are half Chinese, half Caucasion. I got a few comments about my boy (the oldest) but I get a ton about my girls.
I love this post! It's true, sometimes the homegrown kids get ignored. They are ALL incredibly special!
I totally agree. Kacie (bio daughter) gets left out a lot, and I always try to point out something about her, like how tall she's getting, how her hair is so blonde, or something great she's recently done.
I don't mind nice comments. What I'm getting sick of are the stares of older women as if they are looking down at us. I might go off next time!
I don't have any bio children for strangers to "leave out". But I can clearly see that Caleb is often left out of conversation now that he's older and Madeline is home. It's the exception to the rule to have someone say something nice to him these days. It breaks my heart because I know just how awesome he is. I'm sure you feel the same way about the rest of your kiddos too.
Like you, I'm always cringing....though, waiting for someone to put their foot in their mouth, which they do often.
I loved Seth's comment about his sister! Totally, sweet!
aawwww - love Seth's comment! One of our friends said "it's so great how you treat her like your daughter" and then looking at the kids "and like your sister." Coop said "um, duh cause she is my sister."
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