Losses to Adoption Part 2

Researching adoption can be overwhelming.  I think it was for us because we knew no one who had adopted.  Domestic adoption terrified me.  In 2004, I had read where a birth mother was able to gain back custody of her daughter who had been adopted at birth into a loving family 4 years later.  I did not want that to happen to us.  That story played a very significant part in our decision to adopt internationally. 

So...I desired a daughter.  I read that China had many girls available for adoption.  Travel time was reasonable and we could manage the financial side of it.  It was settled.  We were adopting from China.  I needed to find an agency.  After much consideration, we chose AWAA and sent in our application.  Two weeks passed and we didn't hear anything from them.  In the meantime, I heard about another homeschooling mom who just recently returned home from China with her daughter.  She was more than happy to share her experience with us.  We ended up choosing her agency, Harrah's.  They were a great agency and always on top of things.  I had waited years for another daughter, and I was more than ready to get the ball rolling.  But, I was terrified.  For the past 2 years I prayed that Mike would desire to adopt.  Now he did.  It scared me more than I imagined it would.  I was worried my desire of having another daughter would destroy our family.  Things were good in our lives at that time.  My youngest was almost 7 and life was easy.  Bringing a child into the mix could disrupt everyone's lives.  I prayed that God would take my fears away.  I knew I had to lay this one down.  If God could change Mike's heart, I knew he could take away my fears.  Finally, after 2 weeks, I had complete peace about our decision.  Paperwork was completed, and our dossier was logged into China on June 30, 2005.  At that time, current wait for a referral was just 6 months.  We expected to travel after the New Year.

Well, we all know what happened; the slowdown occurred.  That 6 month wait ended up being a 13 month wait for our referral.  But, it was all good.  Exactly 4 years to the day after I walked out of the hospital without our twins, I held my daughter, Eva, for the first time on her first birthday, September 12, 2006.