From Losses to Adoption

When I walked out of the hospital with empty arms after losing the twins, I did not feel defeated.  Deep inside I felt I would have another child.  I struggled with feeling contentment with the 3 children I had and a desire to have another child.  I wanted to be content; I truly did.

After one of my losses, a friend said to me, "You can always adopt."  I replied rather hastily, "I want my own children, not someone else's."  Looking back, I realize how ignorant that comment was.  But, I didn't know better.  I did not have a clue about adoption.  I did not know a single person who had adopted.  It was such a foreign word to me.  So, I pushed the thought out of my mind and tried to move on with my life.

In the Spring of 2004, Seth played baseball with a young man who had an adopted brother from Korea.  I found it strange, yet interesting that this family with 4 children adopted a baby from Korea.  Why would they do that?  So, during baseball season, I talked a lot to this mom of 5 about God, adoption, and family.  I studied this fascinating and wild 5 year old boy born on the other side of the world.  I thought, "I could do that.  I could love a child that didn't have my genes or look like me."  After doing some research, I was shocked at the cost of adoption.  I just about gave up.  After some time, I approached Mike with the subject of either adoption or foster care.  His response, "I don't think that is something for us."  My response, "I'll suffer silently."  And, I'll pray.

In December, 2004, Mike had been doing a lot of reading of God's word, and he felt like he was being led to do something with children.  When he shared this with us, I immediately thought of adoption.  He, on the other hand, was thinking more along the lines of children's ministry.  I continued praying.  Nothing seemed to be working out in the children's ministry area.  I prayed some more.

February, 2006, I was reading the paper as we were heading off to do some shopping.  My eyes spied an announcement for an adoption seminar.  It was actually a summer hosting program for children from Russia.  Jokingly, I asked Mike if he was interested.  His response shocked me.  "I think that sounds interesting.  Why don't you check into it and we will go," he responded.  My belly did a few flops that morning, and I tried to put the thought out of my mind.  Once we arrived home, I called the number and signed us up for the seminar the following weekend.  Our whole family went, listened to stories of the children.  I was a crying, sloppy mess by the time it ended.  I was emotionally drained.  There was so much information to process.  I spent the next week researching Russian adoptions.  Every time I did, I also read about other international adoption programs.  China kept jumping off the internet pages at me.  For our family, the China program seemed the most realistic and affordable.  After having 2 boys, my heart was really desiring another daughter.

I'll try to finish this up tomorrow.  I have 2 kiddos heading off to soccer soon.