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Welcome to my family blog. I have been married to Mike for over half of my life. I love my Savior, Jesus. I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to six terrific, interesting children. My 3 oldest were born to me in my younger years, while my 3 youngest were given to me by God in my older years. I am very blessed. ~Cheri

8.18.2012

A Conversation With My Daugher

Adoption is always talked about in our house.  "When we went to China to get you" is an often-heard phrase.  I don't think Eva and Joy even know the magnitude of adoption.  Ivy might.  She remembers life in an orphanage, life without a family for 7 years.


Last month, Ivy was playing a game with a friend, Allison.  Allison's mom told me that Ivy said something about wishing she knew her mom in China.  Last week, I finally got around talking to her about it.  It was hard.  It was a conversation I expected to happen "later".  I wasn't ready for it.  We sat outside on the deck.  She lay back on my chest as I wrapped my arms around her thin body.  I told her all the things a good mom should tell her.  I didn't know the reasons why her mom could not keep her.  Her obvious cleft could have been the lone reason.  She was not ready to hear or understand China's one-child policy and the consequences of being a girl in a boy-favored society.  Her cleft made my answer easier. 


I told her how special it was to be a mom; I'm sure it was very difficult for her China mom to say good-bye to her beautiful baby girl.  I don't think I could have been so selfless.  I told Ivy it was okay to wonder about her mom in China; that she could love both of us.  So, for about 20 minutes she lay still, silently crying.  I talked about how even though bad things happen, God can make something beautiful from it.  He has made something beautiful from all the sadness.


I asked her if she had the opportunity to meet her China mom, would she?  She responded, "I don't know."  I cannot imagine the thoughts and range of emotions going on in that beautiful mind.  After some more hugs and kisses, she moved on.  She is a very sweet girl, full of emotions.


I'm sure we will have many more conversations about China moms around our house.  I pray for the wisdom to help each of my girls understand their worth and place in this life; this wonderful life!

7 kind words:

Vicky

What a beautiful post, I am waiting for my conversations and questions from my girls. Until then, like you, I will love them and thank God for their sweet precious lives!

Jenna

Very Sweet! I dread those conversations, and I don't know why....I guess it's the pain that I know their little hearts will feel.

Lynda

That's always a challenging conversation and each child is different because of their personalities and age of adoption. You handled this well not having to cover every detail. Only what she needed and was ready for at the moment.
Have already covered this with my older two children and am anticipating this with my younger two girls. The reality is it's part of their lives and yours and as an adoptive parent you deal with it and just keep loving them to their full potential. All the best to you and your beautiful family.

Stephanie

Aw, what a sweet (and hard) conversation. You are such a great and sensitive mom. Praying I can be like you when those conversations happen around here. I always wonder if my girls will blame themselves/their cleft and how I will handle those questions and emotions. Again...praying for wisdom and discernment when the time comes.

Suzanne

I think you handled it perfectly! I may steal some of what you said to use in conversations with my little one day....

Sam

You did a great job!

Kieren was 3 years-old when we had the first conversation. Some mean ignorant kids at pre-school decided I couldn't be Kieren's mom because I don't look like her. Then it moved on to "your real mom didn't want you". Yeah...horrible brats! All you can do is be there, love them, and help them understand.

Kristine

Beautiful post, Cheri.

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