When we adopted Eva and Joy, I did not think about their birth mothers very often. Yes, they crossed my mind at certain milestones, but not on a regular basis. Now that the girls are older, I'm older, and we have Ivy, I cannot help but think about their mothers. What were their reasons for giving up their daughters?
I wonder about Ivy. Was she abandoned because of her cleft? Maybe her mother could not afford to repair her lip? Was she scared by what she saw? Or is a sweet image of her newborn daughter forever stamped upon her mind?
Eva's abandonment was obviously not because of her physical appearance or abilities. She was a beautiful, healthy, baby girl. I don't know how her mother or father came to the decision they made. Was Eva the firstborn child? A girl, when they wanted/needed a boy? Was she a second child that the parents could not afford, yet could not abort. Was her birth mother unwed? There are so many questions that I cannot answer for my sweet daughter.
Of course, with Joy, I have the same thoughts as with Ivy. Joy's disability is a birth defect on her hand, probably amniotic banding. I know for me, I was not bothered by that. Maybe it was more than a young mother wanted? Joy is from a very small village near Wuchuan, a farming community. Was her family too poor to care for Joy?
Do their mothers think of these girls around their birthdays? Do they have regrets? Did they hope for more for their daughters? Did they know it was possible they'd be adopted and move to America? As I look at my daughters' hands, I wonder whose hands they have? Their mothers'? Their fathers'?
Who does Eva get her snorty laugh from? Did Ivy always have such a gentle disposition about her? Did either of Joy's parents have her temper? Whatever their reasons are, I'm thankful that they did choose life for their daughters. I'm thankful that I've been given the wonderful blessing of being their mother. I've not yet had to explain any of these things to my daughters. But when a question as simple as "Why do we have belly buttons?" sets off a trail of thoughts through my mind (adoption, abortion, communism, politics, abandonment), I'm thankful I have some time for God to give me words of wisdom because I don't have it all figured out. But, being a mom, loving my children the way I do, I can only believe that these mothers loved their daughters in a way I cannot comprehend.
Warming up by the fire after bath time.
4 kind words:
What a great post. Your girls are beautiful. I've followed your story for how long...and just now realized Joy's hand is different! Just goes to show there is much more to our children than just their sn, and it does not define them. I go through the same thoughts with Tyson as you do with Ivy--and Joy for that matter.
Merry Christmas!
Jolene :)
I am like you, Cheri. I think about my kids' birthmoms but not as much as others do. I often find myself thinking about them when I see so much of their personality shining through or their little "isms", I wonder which birthparent they get "it" from.
I'm glad to see Ivy recovering from her surgery. I know you're happy to have that past you. I love following your blog and hope that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas! I wish I was there to eat some of Jordan's cookies!!!! No fair! ;)
Merry Christmas!
Eva
The girls look beautiful and happy. I also have so many questions about Haleigh and hope that I have the right words when she has questions. She wasn't abandoned until she was 2 1/2 months old. I often think that it must have been a very difficult choice for her birth parents and may have been made because of her hemangiomas, but I will never know for sure. I wish I had more answers.
Your daughters are beautiful. This post brought tears to my eyes.
Rejoicing that their birth mothers chose life for these precious girls!
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