Time With Seth

Seth had ten days of leave after graduating Marine boot camp.  I've never had ten days fly by so quickly in my entire life.  I'm not even sure how to describe my feelings during that brief time with my son.  Initially, it all started out so joyous.  The day after we came home, we found out that a Marine he graduated with the day before drowned at the beach just seven short hours after graduation.  Immediately, my heart just grieved for that family.  Seth just responded, "How could that happen?"  I couldn't help but feel such a heaviness over me during that week as the frailty of life was magnified by this young Marines death.  As I listened to stories from my son of his time at Parris Island, another mother was making funeral arrangements.  As I sat across from my son at dinner, she looked at the empty seat at the table.  As Seth packed up his gear for SOI training, the young Marine's body was flown home to Ohio for burial.  Eventually, I had to just go to a room by myself and just break down, sobbing, crying out to God to comfort that family.

Then a few days later, the attacks on our embassies occurred.  It didn't help matters when I found out that our country deployed Marine Security Forces to these areas.  Security Force is my sons MOS (job) in the near future.  I admit it.  I worried.  I was overcome with fear of the future for my children.  I know that God is Sovereign.  I have to get it from my head to my heart.  Nothing I do will protect my children.  I have to rest in God's hands.  I never realized until this week how much I do not rest.  Why is it so hard?

For a little while I can rest because I know my Savior.  He loves me and wants me to trust Him.  But, slowly, I pick up that burden again, thinking that somehow I can protect every single one of my children from any pain or difficulty or uncomfortable situation.

Sometimes, I wish I can keep my sons from turning into men.  It is a hard transition for me as much as it is for them.  But, it has been good.

While Seth was home, we did nothing special.  All he wanted was to spend time with his family and a few friends.  Eventually, the burden of worry left me, and I could enjoy the short time we had together.  We anticipated an all-out attack on our refrigerator and pantry.  It didn't happen.  The two gallons of ice cream were only half-eaten, as were the two packs of Popsicles and cupcakes.  Seth thought he would come home and drink a lot of Dr. Pepper.  That didn't happen either.  My, how my son has changed!

Sunday arrived all too soon.  Another good-bye.  Yes.  I miss my son.  A lot.  No matter how long he wears that uniform, in my heart, he will always be that little boy playing soldier with his brother in the backyard.