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Welcome to my family blog. I have been married to Mike for over half of my life. I love my Savior, Jesus. I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to six terrific, interesting children. My 3 oldest were born to me in my younger years, while my 3 youngest were given to me by God in my older years. I am very blessed. ~Cheri

12.19.2014

Older Adoption

I think I've posted on this topic before.  Or, maybe I've just thought about it.  But, having 3 adopted children just makes me ponder things a little more.  It has been almost 6 years since I looked at Ivy's picture.  I skipped over it quite a few times because I didn't want a child that much older than Eva and Joy.  But, I kept going back to that adorable face.


I remember Jordan asking me what I was so drawn to.  I couldn't really give her an exact answer.  I was also afraid of committing to an older child and cleft lip issues.  I have an aversion to all things oral.

If you have ever read research on adopting older, you'd probably be terrified of the "what ifs".  I know that I was.  I've even read recommendations of never adopting our of birth order.  Some people have even said to never adopt older children if you have young children in the home.  So, right there were two strikes against the adoption of Ivy.  But, I couldn't bring myself to walk away from this little girl.  Multiple times a day, I would pull up her photo and stare into the dark eyes staring back at me, searching her soul.  In my heart I had a peace.  My mind, though, would tell me other things that I needed to be concerned about.  Before bringing Ivy home, I was mostly concerned about her adjustment into our family.  But, what I've come to realize is that, for me, I should have been more concerned with how I would adjust to her.  I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I had (still do) some selfishness to deal with.  I spent more time preparing myself for issues that Ivy could possibly have and not preparing for my own issues.  It was definitely an eye opener.  God used this sweet child to show me the yuck in my heart.  It is a humbling experience.

As for Ivy....she is mostly what my heart told me she was.  She is sweet, kind, quiet, and very, very tender-hearted.  She has been home almost 5 years.  She loves having a family.  She loves her mom and dad.  She makes cards and leaves notes for us.  I found this one on my pillow last month.






She wrote this shortly after she was worried about a situation she was experiencing.  She cried with her head on my shoulder while I tried my best to guide and reassure her.  It is not easy for Ivy to come to her parents when something is bothering her.  I believe that to be a learned orphanage behavior that is difficult to overcome.  I know with time, comfort, and a lot of prayers, she will overcome her fears.  God is our Healer.  Ivy loves her God.  She seems to be quite resilient, and doesn't easily give up.

  
Had I known the joys of adopting older, maybe we wouldn't have waited until we were so old to adopt.  But, I can't second guess God's timing  His time is the best time.  I am so thankful He used our family to change the lives of 3 little orphaned girls.




5 kind words:

Judi

Ivy's note moved me to tears! She is such a beautiful, sweet girl! I think of Ivy often. I think it is because she and Haleigh are from the same orphanage and they share a birthday! I can't wait to see what God has planned for all of your sweet girls!

Melanie

Sitting here in tears, Cheri. That was so precious! I'm glad you and Mike have been able to adopt those sweet little girls. I know they're getting lots of love. Yes, God's timing is best. warm hugs♥

Jo's Corner

Five years! It seems like yesterday that Ivy came home. I have followed your blog since before she came home and it is a Blessing to see how Ivy (AND, You, Mama) have grown. I remember it was not the easiest transition, but it's pretty obvious that Ivy has grown in her ability & willingness to love and trust you. She is such a beautiful child. I will continue to pray for all of you as the journey continues. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy 2015! ~ Jo

Anne Krause

It's hard to believe it's almost been five years, isn't it? I still remember seeing you and Ivy most mornings at breakfast in Guangzhou. She has blossomed into a lovely young lady for sure. Merry Christmas to your family from ours!

Judy Deaton

They are all just beautiful! I can totally relate to the part of having a harder time adjusting than the child had! Not what I expected or prepared for either!! And ohhhhh the YUCK that has been exposed......humbling, to say the least. Beautifully written. What a sweet sweet note from Ivy too!! God Bless you and guide you as you continue to parent these girls!

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