We started our first adoption in 2005. After hearing a friend's story of 2 failed domestic adoptions (birth mother changed her mind) and watching the news of families torn apart years later when the birth mother changed her mind, I knew that I would not adopt domestically. I guess I was terrified or very selfish. I did not want the grief and agony of giving up my child. So, I researched international adoptions.
People have asked numerous times, "Why not "our own?", meaning the United States. One man recently said to me while working on my kitchen, "Too bad our country makes it so difficult to adopt our own kind, isn't it?" I don't know why I was so surprised. Maybe it was because he was just so blunt about it all. I told him, "A child needs a family, regardless of where they are from."
Today I was reminded about the agonies of domestic adoptions. My friend and her husband were asked by the birth mother to adopt her 12 month old son. She had moved around and could not take care of her son. She had a very bad life that involved drug abuse. My friend, lovingly, brought this child into her home and heart in February, making them a family of 7. There were many struggles with attachment and fears from this beautiful son of hers. We could see him starting to make eye contact and smiling at church. He was progressing. Only days away from finalizing the adoption, in walks the father, who has never been a part of his son's life. Within 10 minutes, their son was gone. How can our agencies allow this? Why does blood make such an impact on the system? I had to spend more than a $1000 to prove myself worthy to adopt, being fingerprinted and having multiple background checks. No one did a background check on him. I understand that he is the father. But, if he has had absolutely nothing to do with his own son for over a year, he should have to prove that he can parent and provide for this child and not rely on a monthly government check.
Fortunately, I do know of wonderful families who have adopted domestically and/or through our nation's foster care system. I know that it can work. But, for others, like this little fella and my friend, the system has failed. It is a reminder why I could not bring myself to take that step domestically.
Welcome to my family blog. I have been married to Mike for over half of my life. I love my Savior, Jesus. I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to six terrific, interesting children. My 3 oldest were born to me in my younger years, while my 3 youngest were given to me by God in my older years. I am very blessed. ~Cheri
7 kind words:
I'm heartbroken for your friend. DNA does not make a parent.
it is so, so hard. I am so sorry for your friend. She has to know that she offered a reprieve for that little boy - she was a voice for him when he had none. She was Jesus to him in what may have been his greatest time of need.
No, its not fair. I heard in church today that we can ask God "why"? But if He decided to answer us, we probably would not understand anyways. He's that magnificent.
We chose international adoption for the same reason - but it sounds like your friends didnt choose - they were chosen. They were obedient and it cost them. Hopefully they know they have earned crowns to cast at Jesus' feet.
HUGS to them,
Sara
So sad to read that. I agree. The hoops you must jump through to adopt are rediculous yet some parents make so light of their duty as parents and get away with it.
Wow! This was so sad! That poor child! Praying for the family that gave so much and must be heart broken!
Cheri,
That is how we felt as well.
We actually watched one of those incidents happen from the other side. From the birth mother's side and it was heart wrenching. Family we knew...teen mom...gave the baby up for adoption...she went to a wonderful family that had her for a full year! In stepped the father..an "old boyfriend" from a terrible home situation and threatened to take the baby. The only way the birth mother could keep this terrible father from getting the baby was to take her back herself. It broke their hearts. She knew her baby was in the best place with this loving family but she had to protect her. I fully agree. Our system protects birth parents, not the children.
Cherie
I've heard of many stories such as this. I hear of more failures than successes in domestic adoption. I just don't understand it either.
Jolene
We our fostering with the intend to adopt here in Canada. We have had a baby boy for over 3 months now. He was 6 weeks old when he came. It appears he will return to his parents by the end of the month. I know it is not to a great situation. I wonder at times why I take this child in to love as our own and one day they will drive away with him and we will not know if he is being cared for well. I do not know if I can do it again. All is for the birth parents. It costs Jesus alot to love us so I will press on and finish well with this little guy and ask God to direct the future.
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