We started our first adoption in 2005. After hearing a friend's story of 2 failed domestic adoptions (birth mother changed her mind) and watching the news of families torn apart years later when the birth mother changed her mind, I knew that I would not adopt domestically. I guess I was terrified or very selfish. I did not want the grief and agony of giving up my child. So, I researched international adoptions.
People have asked numerous times, "Why not "our own?", meaning the United States. One man recently said to me while working on my kitchen, "Too bad our country makes it so difficult to adopt our own kind, isn't it?" I don't know why I was so surprised. Maybe it was because he was just so blunt about it all. I told him, "A child needs a family, regardless of where they are from."
Today I was reminded about the agonies of domestic adoptions. My friend and her husband were asked by the birth mother to adopt her 12 month old son. She had moved around and could not take care of her son. She had a very bad life that involved drug abuse. My friend, lovingly, brought this child into her home and heart in February, making them a family of 7. There were many struggles with attachment and fears from this beautiful son of hers. We could see him starting to make eye contact and smiling at church. He was progressing. Only days away from finalizing the adoption, in walks the father, who has never been a part of his son's life. Within 10 minutes, their son was gone. How can our agencies allow this? Why does blood make such an impact on the system? I had to spend more than a $1000 to prove myself worthy to adopt, being fingerprinted and having multiple background checks. No one did a background check on him. I understand that he is the father. But, if he has had absolutely nothing to do with his own son for over a year, he should have to prove that he can parent and provide for this child and not rely on a monthly government check.
Fortunately, I do know of wonderful families who have adopted domestically and/or through our nation's foster care system. I know that it can work. But, for others, like this little fella and my friend, the system has failed. It is a reminder why I could not bring myself to take that step domestically.
Welcome to my family blog. I have been married to Mike for over half of my life. I love my Savior, Jesus. I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to six terrific, interesting children. My 3 oldest were born to me in my younger years, while my 3 youngest were given to me by God in my older years. I am very blessed. ~Cheri